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Что значит принять себя?

Рекомендацию «принять себя» можно услышать сегодня от любого психолога. С одной стороны, кажется, что все легко: признай и полюби свои недостатки, не критикуй себя. Но, во-первых, сделать это совсем не просто. А во-вторых, возникает много вопросов: 

«Как же я буду развиваться, если меня уже все в себе устраивает?» 

«Как я могу принять и полюбить свои вредные привычки, если они отравляют мне жизнь?» 

«Если я приму себя, разве я не превращусь в нарцисса, любующегося собой?» 

gudekaterina-chto-znachit-prinyat-sebya

У людей, привыкших к постоянной борьбе, к гонке за достижениями, рекомендация «принять себя» вызывает страх: им представляется некто аморфный, лежащий на диване и совершенно довольный (принял же себя!) своим существованием. 

На самом деле, принятие себя, конечно, совсем не об этом. О чем? Давайте разбираться, а для этого заглянем ненадолго в детские воспоминания. Уверена, у каждого из нас есть детская история, в которой родители строгим голосом говорили «Не будь эгоистом!». Например, когда мальчик на площадке просил поиграть любимую машинку, а отдавать ее совершенно не хотелось. Или когда хотелось плакать, потому что день рождения у тебя, а подарками приходится делиться с младшей сестрой. Эти ситуации кажутся мелкими и не стоящими внимания, но они научили не принимать в расчет свои чувства, отрицать их.

· Я не эгоист, поэтому я совершенно не против, если коллега выдает мою идею за свою. 

· Я не завидую, поэтому мне совершенно все равно, что знакомая уехала в Австралию на работу моей мечты. 

· Я не обижаюсь, поэтому меня совершенно не волнует, что лучший друг не позвал на свою свадьбу. 

Конечно, есть вероятность, что вы, и вправду, никогда не завидующий, не эгоистичный, не обижающийся человек — подставьте в список любое «неприятное» качество. Проверить, таки ли это, достаточно легко: подумайте, какие качества в других людях вас раздражают больше всего. И если вас бесят люди, обижающиеся на ровном месте, если вы часто высмеиваете завидующую всему миру соседку, если вас до глубины души возмущает коллега, пекущийся только о своих интересах — то с большой вероятностью можно утверждать, что именно эти качества присущи и вам, но вы их подавляете, не принимаете. Окружающие люди «подсвечивают» в нас то, что мы не хотим в себе видеть. 

Расскажу пример из личной практики. Одна девушка у меня на приеме возмущалась поведением сотрудницы: в их большой компании было принято скидываться всем коллективом на дни рождения, а эта сотрудница один раз сказала нет — она не будет, не может себе этого сейчас позволить. Моя клиентка кипела негодованием: это же «жалкие» 500 рублей, что за жадность и эгоизм. Стали разбираться, и угадайте, что? Да-да, у моей клиентки чувство жадности было задвинуто, запрещено. Ей самой порой очень жалко было скидываться на дни рождения людей, которых она и в глаза не видела, но установка «жадной быть нельзя» оказывалась сильнее, а все негодование доставалось «жадной» сотруднице. 

Для моей клиентки это было очень большим открытием, и, хотя процесс принятия потребовал дальнейшей работы, раздражение поведением коллеги ушло моментально. Его сменило уважение и даже восхищение «А что, так тоже можно было?» 

Мы живем с установками, что себя можно любить только доброго, умного, щедрого, в хорошем настроении и т.д. Мы не готовы встречаться со своей теневой стороной. Кажется, что если мы объявим войну «плохим» качествам, мы сможем избавиться от них. Но как можно избавиться от того, что ты отрицаешь, не признаешь? 

Любовь и принятие себя означает увидеть себя в реалистичном свете: в чем-то прекрасного, в чем-то не очень. Признать, что мы можем быть упрямыми, жадными, вредными, эгоистичными, трусливыми. И в то же время великодушными, щедрыми, покладистыми, сочувствующими и храбрыми. Мир многогранен, и в разных ситуациях мы поступаем по-разному, проявляем разные качества. Принять себя – это не критиковать, не убиваться из-за каждого неверного шага, а сказать «я бываю и таким», разрешить себе все проявления личности. Качества, выведенные на свет, осознаваемые, уже куда легче поддаются контролю, становится проще и направлять их действие в «мирное» русло, и договариваться с собой. 

Путь принятия не самый простой, но дело того стоит. 

Если понадобится моя помощь, я рядом:








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