Счастье — норма жизни?

Люди с самыми страшными историями — самые счастливые на аватарках. 

Они улыбаются нам из ленты инстаграм или фейсбук, на идеальной скатерти раскладывают идеальные маффины и фарфор, умильно подкидывают и ловят малыша у новогодней елки, обнимают и целуют мужа/жену.  А потом идут (и хорошо, если идут) в группу поддержки и рассказывают то, от чего в жилах стынет кровь.

Временами я просматриваю хронику, и вот, какую тенденцию вижу. В большинстве случаев, после совершенного самоубийства с особой жестокостью, родственники погибшего говорят, что никаких симптомов надвигающейся беды не замечали. “Веселая была, бодрая, как обычно. Справлялась за семерых. А потом раз, и ушла.” Вряд ли кто упомянет, что случись этому человеку признаться, что тяжело, рядом слышалось “ничего, всем тяжело”, а “как раньше справлялись?”, “а ты что хотела” и…давайте не будем обделять мужчин: “не будь слюнтяем”, “мужики не ноют” и “что как девчонка?”

Счастье стало нормой жизни. Грустное — не продается. Надо радоваться, со всем легко ладить и справляться, дарить улыбку и радовать-радовать-радовать окружающих. Быть примером, хорошим, удобным. Иначе общество начинает тебя отвергать. 

Пока не появилась Ева, я не понимала весь масштаб этой проблемы. В первые месяцы было очень сложно, и я поделилась этим в инстаграм, с нейтральной фотографией и в нейтральных, чуть с грустинкой, казалось бы, тонах. В ту же секунду в директ ко мне пришла дальняя дальняя знакомая, которая никогда раньше не проявлялась, и попыталась устыдить меня в чувствах — ведь у нее двое, а роптать она себе не позволяет.

И другим не позволит — хотелось добавить мне.

А потом я нашла сообщество женщин с постродовой депрессией на фейсбук. И разверзлась бездна душераздирающих историй. Про буллинг* и газлайтинг** со стороны родственников в самый-самый уязвимый период жизни. А ведь депрессия бывает не только у матерей, но и отцов. У женщин еще со времен мамонтов и каменных пещер общение кругом в крови, а мужчинам, с тотальным общественным непринятием их “слабости”, куда идти?

*буллинг — английский аналог слова травля. Психологический террор.

** газлайтинг — форма психологического насилия, главная задача которого — заставить человека сомневаться в адекватности своего восприятия окружающей действительности. Психологические манипуляции, призванные выставить индивида «дефективным», ненормальным.

Очень радостно видеть, как все больше людей рассказывают о своем опыте работы с психологом. О том, как терапия помогает снять напряжение, выговориться, найти решение и просто лучше узнавать себя.

Такие истории снижают страх и тревогу перед походом к специалисту, и как будто дают внутреннее разрешение — значит, я тоже могу, это может помочь. И я рада видеть все больше мужчин, приходящих к психологам, ведь мальчикам с детства достается немало “терпи”.

Знаете, при каких условиях я согласна, что счастье — норма жизни? При том, что мы бережны к себе. И прислушиваясь, отмечаем, в норме мы сейчас или нет. Хорошо ли на душе, есть ли внутренняя благодарность и тепло, или только сухое долженствование, темнота и отсутствие линии горизонта. 

И если темнота — я за то, чтобы говорить. И чтобы говорить — тоже стало нормальным.

Я встречала посты, где люди, делясь, находят поддержку и рассказывают о том, что помогло им вытянуть себя.Такая публичная демонстрация — большая польза для людей, которые пока не могут признаться, что им трудно.

Когда вокруг «счастье счастливое» и успех успешный, очень просто почувствовать себя каким-то не таким. А когда общество и люди в нем учатся говорить о непростых темах, давать друг другу поддержку, сопереживать и делиться опытом, внутренних неврозов становится в разы меньше.

Говорить, пока не услышат, или найти того, кто услышит. 

Вы не одни. 

Я рядом.

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