За кулисами кабинета психолога

Что там на самом деле происходит?

Регулярно слышу от знакомых и клиентов, что коуч или психолог это тот, кто будет «пинать» и толкать вперед. Кстати, часто такое представление мешает начать терапию: потребность есть, а сил мало, страшно представить, что будут еще и заставлять что-то делать

Вероятно, существуют психологи, успешно применяющие подобную стратегию. По моему же мнению, «раздавать пинки» и говорить клиенту, что ему нужно делать, даже если он не хочет или не может — бессмысленное и беспощадное занятие. 

Если решение не принято на уровне ценностей и смыслов самого клиента, оно не станет частью его жизни и скоро забудется, как забывается то, что мы читаем в книгах по саморазвитию. 

Я не фитнес тренер, который стоит над душой в спортзале и говорит: «Давай еще 10 подходов, вот тебе блин не на 5, а на 15кг».

Говорят, в некоторых американских школах родителям запрещают помогать детям с учебой, так дети учатся ответственности. Я тоже не строгий родитель, не учитель и считаю, что выполнение домашних заданий после сессий — ответственность клиента. Я не критикую за отсутствие задания или за проявление халатности. 

Моя задача — объяснить, что выполненная между сессиями работа — залог эффективности нашей работы в целом. А клиент вправе услышать это или проигнорировать. Один раз в конце сессии мой клиент заявил с вызовом: «Я не обещаю, что сейчас выключу скайп и пойду делать свою работу, а не смотреть видюшки на Youtube»«Правильно, и тогда это будет ВАШ осознанный выбор» — ответила я. Клиент пришел в замешательство. 

Я не тащу клиента на себе. Я вижу свою задачу как коуча и психолога в том, чтобы помогать стать сильнее тем, кто стремится и хочет этого, а не спасать тех, кто не готов к изменениям и не хочет ничего делать. По аналогии со спортзалом, если тренер на себе показывает, как правильно качаться, а клиент стоит рядом, наблюдает и восхищается, то красивые проработанные мышцы будут в итоге у тренера, а не у клиента. 

Работая с клиентом, я в первую очередь опираюсь на его понимание себя, своих эмоций и чувств. Для меня клиент — лучший эксперт в своей жизни. Все ответы на его вопросы спрятаны в нем самом, я лишь помогаю их найти. Я уверена, что у любого человека есть безусловное право выбирать свои жизненные цели и придерживаться своих собственных ценностей. 

У меня нет цели навязать свои ценности, рассказать что такое хорошо, а что такое плохо. Все мы почти ежеминутно принимаем решения и делаем выбор. Моя задача — подсветить моменты, когда клиент делает выбор, чтобы он сделал его максимально осознанно, полностью понимая свои мотивы

Поэтому на моих сессиях больше говорит клиент, чем я сама. Я ведь не учу его жизни. Иногда я слышу: «Уф, как здорово, оказывается, проговорить все вслух. Сразу многое становится на свои места».

Во время занятия я помогаю клиенту понять свои чувства, осознать причины своих реакций, увидеть сложившиеся в голове установки. Считаю, что это главная моя задача. Для этого я порой суммирую и озвучиваю то, что услышала от клиента, чтобы он в свою очередь услышал свои размышления со стороны.

В других ситуациях я предлагаю вызов клиенту и задаю вопрос с небольшой провокацией или с позиции чуть более высокой планки, чем он сам себе поставил. И ни при каких обстоятельствах я не даю советы, не ставлю диагнозы, не оцениваю говорящего, его ситуацию или сказанное им.

Вместо этого я превращаю проблему клиента в задачу, которую ему хочется решить. Ведь насильно в счастливую успешную жизнь человека не загонишь, а вот помочь тому, кто готов к работе, вполне реально. 







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